Sunday, July 8, 2007

Diary of a Bald Housewife

April 17: AAAGGHH! After just one round of chemo, I’m shedding faster than a mutt with mange. In the summer time. In Palm Springs.

April 23: My scalp looks like it’s been mowed by a drunken gardener. With a hand mower. At midnight. I ask for a buzz cut at the City of Hope clip joint. No fans. No paparazzi. And, puh-lease, no mirrors. I’m turning into a first-class diva.

April 24: I hate washing my head. The tiny remaining spikes make me feel like I’m bathing a porcupine.

May 7: I still refuse to look at my naked scalp.

May 14: AAAGGHH! I accidentally catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. ET phone home! ET phone home!

May 21: I wear my wig for the first time. A male acquaintance yells out, “I love your hair” as I walk by. I saunter while humming, “There she goes just a walkin’ down the street.”

May 28: AAAGGHH! I catch a glimpse of my image in a plate glass window. I don’t recognize the woman with the bangs and bobbed hair.

June 7: Wig is hot and itchy. I rip it off while driving to CoH. No stares. No silent screams. No collisions.

June 14: I’ve gone two months without plucking eyebrows or shaving legs. I don’t have to yank out annoying, wiry hair on my chinny-chin-chin.

June 17: I wear one of my beautiful modified berets to a party. I’m tres chic, but sweat is pouring down my forehead. I ask Melinda if she would mind if I remove my hat. It’s my “coming out party.” She doesn’t run screaming. I mingle while bald and fear that I’m committing a crime worse than drinking while driving. But, surprise. No stares. No silent screams. No collisions.

June 18, Father’s Day: I wear a scarf to dinner at a crowded restaurant. It’s getting hot and I ask my friends if they mind if I go hairless. They’re thrilled and taunt, “Take it off . . .”

June 29: I look in the mirror and see that my eyebrows look like caterpillars. And that feisty little chin hair has reappeared.

July 3: AAAGGHH! My hair is starting to grow back. But I’m not finished with treatment. If my hair is growing back, does this mean that the cancer's growing back too?


janet aird said...

You DO have a nice head!

Paula Johnson said...

Yikes! Time is running out to get a raunchy tattoo on your scalp. It could be your little biker chick secret.

SAMO Calling said...

Looks good w/hair and looks good without. I would imagine you must feel liberated removing any headgear in summer.

Did you find any scars where you might have been "dropped" as a child? You were dropped as a child weren't you? tee hee hee

Paula, that is pretty funny. Susan, what would you put as a tattoo anyway?

Piper Robert said...

Am I allowed to give you one of those 3 Stooges noogie type things on your head? I AM your big brother.

Mark and Dee said...

We just logged in to check your blog again after we got back from out of town and realized we have not made contact with you in such a long time - yikes! The Bald and Beautiful! All we saw was that smile - keep on bloggin' for all of us non-techno geeks! Mark and Dee

Suzy Keleher said...

ideas for tats: butterfly, cabbage roses, pole dancer, medical snake on a pole, George and Cindy's picture...just kidding!Susan, you can't fix beautiful: YOU! You are beautiful! Love you, Suze