I had the running dream again last night.
In the BC days, when I had the running dream, someone or something was chasing me.
Now, I'm chasing something. It's not something concrete, like a bus to catch or a baby to save. I don't know what I'm after, but I can't get there fast enough. I run along the side of a picket fence and propel myself by pushing off the stakes, like a breast stroker, shoving back the water and then gliding.
I do it so that I can reach my unknown destination faster and save energy at the same time.
I'm exhausted now. Tonight, I don't want to dream of running. I just want to sleep.
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March 2008 - Sometimes I feel like a wig.
Sometimes I don't.
Up a tree and feeling on top of the world
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What does a writer do when she finds out she has stage 4 Mantle Cell Lymphoma? She blogs. Because, as everyone knows, cancer sucks, but blogging rocks.
On January 26, 2007, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Mantle Cell Lymphoma (blastic variety), a rare, aggressive and treatment-resistant form of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.
My team at the City of Hope decided to bring out the big guns - six rounds of Hyper CVAD followed by an autologous stem cell transplant. I bounced back after each round of chemo, but my blood counts didn't.
After four rounds we called chemo quits and started collecting stem cells for the auto stem cell transplant. The harvesting took three tries, two drugs and eight weeks, but I finally eked out the minimum two million stem cells.
After megadoses of chemo, I received my stem cells on November 14 and 15, 2007. I bounced back almost immediately. Best of all, I achieved complete remission from the Mantle Cell Lymphoma.
In January 2008, I was hospitalized for 11 days for chemo-induced pneumonia. I bounced back.
In the summer of 2008, my eosinophils (a component of the white blood cells) rose to dangerous levels and infiltrated my lungs and GI tract. My weight dropped to 105 pounds, and I was incapacitated for nearly three months. Once again, I bounced back.
I continue to make monthly visits to the City of Hope for blood tests and check ups, quarterly visits for maintenance Rituxan and semi-annual visits for scans.
I'm still in remission and have more energy than ever. And about that perfect purse? I keep looking.
Here are a few other things keeping me busy:
My food blog, Open Mouth, Insert Fork
My consulting business, A New Leaf Communications
The Orange Cat, a site for family fun in the San Gabriel Valley
A3M - Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches
YWCA Pasadena-Foothill Valley
IWOSC - Independent Writers of Southern California
On January 26, 2007, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Mantle Cell Lymphoma (blastic variety), a rare, aggressive and treatment-resistant form of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.
My team at the City of Hope decided to bring out the big guns - six rounds of Hyper CVAD followed by an autologous stem cell transplant. I bounced back after each round of chemo, but my blood counts didn't.
After four rounds we called chemo quits and started collecting stem cells for the auto stem cell transplant. The harvesting took three tries, two drugs and eight weeks, but I finally eked out the minimum two million stem cells.
After megadoses of chemo, I received my stem cells on November 14 and 15, 2007. I bounced back almost immediately. Best of all, I achieved complete remission from the Mantle Cell Lymphoma.
In January 2008, I was hospitalized for 11 days for chemo-induced pneumonia. I bounced back.
In the summer of 2008, my eosinophils (a component of the white blood cells) rose to dangerous levels and infiltrated my lungs and GI tract. My weight dropped to 105 pounds, and I was incapacitated for nearly three months. Once again, I bounced back.
I continue to make monthly visits to the City of Hope for blood tests and check ups, quarterly visits for maintenance Rituxan and semi-annual visits for scans.
I'm still in remission and have more energy than ever. And about that perfect purse? I keep looking.
Here are a few other things keeping me busy:
My food blog, Open Mouth, Insert Fork
My consulting business, A New Leaf Communications
The Orange Cat, a site for family fun in the San Gabriel Valley
A3M - Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches
YWCA Pasadena-Foothill Valley
IWOSC - Independent Writers of Southern California
March 2008 - Sometimes I feel like a wig.
Sometimes I don't.
January 2009
Up a tree and feeling on top of the world
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May
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- No Admittance
- Plenty to Smile About
- One True Thing
- Headlines from the Home Front
- Stick to Pralines, Not Pity
- Under worked and overjoyed
- Updates on the Updates
- "A" is for Appetite
- Desperate Housewife?
- Updates from Home
- Running Nowhere
- A Tale of Two Lymphomas
- Better, smarter, stronger
- Too Green for Words
- Pre-Prom Memories at the City of Hope
- Different Moments Than I Imagined
- Back at Hotel Hope for Round Three
- Loved Ones Recall Local Man's Cowardly Battle With...
- Oh, no! Here she comes.
- Flora-Cani Yoga
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Cancer Banter
I can't die. I still have to find the perfect purse.
4 comments:
You can't get there any faster than the speed of time.
Maybe it's a sign: slow down! Don't drive yourself so hard. Nothing (and no one) is insignificant. You are significant even if you lie and around and do nothing for a day. Or two. Or more.
That's what Thich Nhat Han makes clear: the most seemingly quiet, "nothing" moment is filled with richness. Maybe you need to bestow some riches on your quiet side for awhile.
You know, the number line is filled with an infinite number of teeny tiny infinitely small -- and thus seemingly insignificant --points. But if you take even one of them away, the whole structure -- all the connectivity, logic, ratios, relations and meaning -- evaporated. Without infinitessimals, there is no infinity. Without individuals, there is no Man. No man is an island -- which means that no man is insignificant, unless we all are.
How interesting...I love dreams! I think dreams are the mind's way of digesting your subconscious.
I've been falling off an overpass to a levy for years now (but never hitting bottom). Also, I've been flying for years. I'm overdue for that one. It's so fantastic!
Maybe you were doing Revlon with me after all.
And another thing! If YOU feel small and insignificant after reading the young woman's blog, imagine how all of us feel! We haven't been tested nearly as much as either of you. Does that diminish us? Of course not! We're still important ... not just in our minds, but in the minds of everyone who loves and cares about us. Which means that you, Susan, are VERY important, because many, many, many people love and care about you!
You're probably running the race of your life, but you'll get there. This may seem counter-intuitive, but part of what will get you there will be getting some rest, which I hope you do soon. Let someone else do the running around for a change!
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