Breakfast in bed. Round-the-clock room service. A staff at my beck and call. Unlimited recreational opportunities, including pole dancing, conga line dancing and cable television. Daily in-room "happy hour." A room with a view (of the 210 freeway).
Today I'll check in to one of the five-star resorts of the San Gabriel Valley, Hotel Hope.
I'll check out on Sunday, just in time to celebrate Mother's Day with George and Cindy.
UPDATE: It's 2:15 pm and I'm settled into my room. This time I have a view of palm trees and the mountains, so it seems more "resort-like" than ever.