Better Red Than Dead

If I was living during the "Red Scare" of the 1950's, that title alone would probably be enough to add my name to one of McCarthy's black lists. But let me explain . . .

A couple weeks ago, I went through a brief period of paranoia. I was relaxing in bed with a good book when, for no apparent reason, I decided to explore the area between and below my rib cage. I felt a hard, round lump, the size and shape of a South Sea Pearl. Panic! I called a couple friends at random and asked them to explore their bodies in search of the pearl. They found nothing. I met friends for drinks and instructed the other happy hour participants to lean back and probe for a pearl. Again, nothing. At brunch the following Sunday, I went through the same routine with two more friends.

I raised the red flag and sent an email to Dr. Forman. He suggested that it might be a lipoma, a lump of benign fat, and not lymphoma, but we could explore further during my appointment on the 14th.

In the meantime, I pulled up Google images of the sternum (breast bone), including the little piece of bone that drops down below the rib cage like a pendant on a necklace. At the end of the sternum is a pointed piece of cartilage called the xiphoid (Greek for "like a straight sword"). Could my xiphoid be rounded instead of pointed? And why couldn't I feel the rest of the bone connecting to the rib cage?

Dr. Forman examined me today and concluded that it was in fact my xiphoid, not a swollen lymph node. We had a good laugh and I sighed in relief.

But, hey, the way I figure it's better to be a little red (embarrassed) than dead.

I received my latest blood counts and have nothing to be embarrassed about in that department:

Monday, April 14, 2008
(Numbers in parentheses are normal ranges.)
WBC 4.3 (4.0-11)
RBC 2.95 (3.8-5.2)
HGB 10.6 (11.5-15.5)
PLT 126 (150-350) (WOO HOO!)

Saturday, April 5, 2008
WBC 3.6 (4.0-11)
RBC 3.00 (3.8-5.2)
HGB 10.8 (11.5-15.5)
PLT 104 (150-350)