Bob in a Box

Bob, at 77, sipping our favorite drink, a Manhattan.

I had dinner with my dear friend Bob on Friday night.

He didn't have too much to say because he arrived in a 6x6x6" box. But, as they say, he was there in spirit as his best gal pals toasted him with pomegranate champagne cocktails.

Catching up with Kathy

"Bob's Gals" - Susan, Kathy, Linda and Kiki enjoy dinner with Bob at Phlight Restaurant, a Spanish tapas bar, in Old Town Whittier. Mary Ellen, the other member of our "posse," was celebrating her mother's 90th birthday.

It's ironic, isn't it, that I celebrated my return to the "land of the living" with a dinner that paid tribute to the dead.

I miss you, Bob. I miss you a lot.

Spam-a-Lot: Spam Musubi and Spam Fried Rice

My friend Carol gave me a can of Spam for Christmas.

Yesterday I decided to pull the can of much-maligned meat from the pantry to make Spam Musubi and Spam fried rice.

In the process, I made a surprising discovery: I like Spam-a-lot.

Read all about it on my food blog, Open Mouth, Insert Fork.

Happy Birthday, Ann

I feel so happy - the kind of happiness that can send the tears rolling down my cheeks.

My friend Ann, a patient at MD Anderson, just completed her second bone marrow transplant with bone marrow from an international donor. Since Ann is Hapa (mixed race Asian), finding a match is a special challenge, but the registry found a 9 out of 10 match from an international donor. The stem cells arrived this morning and the transplant went off without a hitch.

If you haven't done so already, go to her blog, anngregory.blogspot.com. It's a story of struggle, of frustration with a broken insurance system, of success, of inspiration, of relapse and more struggles. Through it all, Ann and Chris always find the strength to rise up, to keep supporting one another and to do everything possible to save Ann's life. Most of all, it's a love story of epic proportions. Read it and you'll find yourself falling in love too.

So today, I raise my glass to Ann and Chris. May those new stem cells be fruitful and multiply.

Are We Having Fun Yet? (Losing and Finding 25 Pounds)

I just read that Beyonce had a blast packing on 20 extra pounds for a film role as Etta James. (Losing the 20 was not nearly as fun.)

Altadena Hiker, recently fantasized on her blog about how she would go about gaining 25 pounds. (Hilarous!)

I, on the other hand, have not been having fun at all in my quest for fat, or the "Booty or Bust" tour as I like to call it. I count calories and chastise myself at the end of the day if I've fallen short of my 2,500 calorie goal. I research the most calorie-dense foods. I devour 12" Philly cheese steak subs with a side of onion rings because of the weight gain potential, not for a love of the meal . I slurp thick chocolate milkshakes with the same enthusiasm that I use to chug the Berry Barium cocktails in preparation for a CT scan. It's a job.

Food was beginning to bore me. A chocolate milkshake was no longer a treat. It was fun to splurge on a pastrami sandwich once a quarter, but it loses its attraction when it becomes a weekly staple. I felt like those listless "researchers" in the Las Vegas.com commercials. I was consumed by culinary ennui.

Worst of all, in spite of my marathon eating sessions, I was continuing to lose, not gain weight, at an alarming rate.

And then I had a revelation. In my quest for curves, I had completely abandoned the way I like to eat. You see, I had developed the healthy eating habits of a naturally thin person. I like fresh, simply prepared foods, like Tuscan greens and beans. I'm currently craving roasted cauliflower with garlic and Italian parsley. My favorite breakfast is Greek yogurt with fresh fruit, orange zest and a squeeze of honey. The problem is that I can't gain weigh on a diet like this.

Now I've gone back to eating the foods that really excite me and I supplement with lots of my favorite high-calorie treats. I still have my beloved yogurt and berries for breakfast, but I pair the healthy stuff with a toasted bagel and high-fat cream cheese or a bowl of Cracklin' Oat Bran with milk and banana.

I'll eat a huge plate of beans and greens for lunch, but then I'll indulge in my favorite snack - potato chips with Ranch dip. I was just reading some old blog posts when I was struggling to gain weight in February. I wrote that I didn't want to resort to gaining weight by stuffing myself with chips and dip. Now I'm thinking, "Why not?"

Chips and dips and I go way back. When I first started dating George almost 30 years ago, I was hanging out at his apartment before he got home from the firm. I was lying on the bed, comforting myself with a giant bag of chips and a bowl of dip. Then I heard the front door open. Before George could yell out, "Honey, I'm home," I had stashed the evidence under the bed, wiped the dip off my mouth and brushed the chip crumbs off the sheets.

But now, I don't need to be a closet chip and dip eater. I can openly indulge, and I do. I've been ordering my groceries through Vons.com and got these two super-size bags for $5.00. With the tub of dip, you're looking at a potential two pound weight gain.

The secret of my success

For a higher brow indulgence, I head to Julienne's in San Marino. I love their rosemary currant parmesan toasts ($7.50 for a small bag), but only purchase them for guests, never just for myself. Now that's just wrong. I popped in yesterday and ate 3/4 of the bag of decadent, butter-and-parmesan-drenched toasts before I pulled into our driveway. I also picked up a container of their Vidalia onion dip and, in a nod to my healthy half, a fresh corn cilantro salsa.

Why wait for a party to indulge in my favorite foods?

My new strategy is working. I'm in love with food again. I'm purusing food blogs and experimenting in the kitchen. I'm nurturing my body with healthy foods, but I'm enjoying my high-fat indulgences. I've stopped counting calories and started gaining weight.

And I'm channeling the soulful Etta James with every bite of luscious food, imagining that it will eventually lead to a body with her sensuous, womanly curves.

What I Learned from the RNC

Like most "cancer bloggers (Is that what I am)," I try to avoid the political. Just the same, it's no secret that I'm a proud liberal Democrat. I came out with that on my first post in February 2007 when I admitted that it would be easier to make a case for starting a liberal Dem blog than penning yet another "cancer journey" blog.

With that in mind, you may be surprised to learn that this Blue State lib was moved to tears at part of John McCain's nomination acceptance speech. When he described his broken arms, inability to feed himself, and dependence on his fellow prisoners, I lost it. I can't compare my illness to his experience, but I can relate to the feeling of utter helplessness.

And then he spoke the words that I think I've been struggling to find. "I was beginning to learn the limits of my selfish independence." Thank you for those words, Senator McCain. (And I will even refrain from saying anything snarky about the rest of your speech.)

It's All Relative

I saw Dr. Forman today and received high praise on my appearance. "This is the first time in weeks that I've seen you and not thought that you looked like someone who needs to be hospitalized." I guess that means that now I no longer look like death warmed over. That Dr. Forman really knows how to turn my head.

When I saw Dr. Forman a week ago, my chief complaint was my daily blackout. Attempting to take a few steps was like playing Russian Roulette. Would this trip to the bathroom contain the bullet? Would I pass out and hit the ground and then find myself lying supine on the cold, hard floor, bewildered and confused?

But, miraculously, I've had no dizziness and no blackouts for a week now. I've also been seeing an "alternative practitioner" and wonder if I can chalk up the disappearance of dizziness to the "alt team." I'm still highly skeptical of the therapy, question everything and do not hesitate to tell the practitioner, "That's a bunch of bunk." (Yes, I'm a dream patient.) And yet . . . something has changed.

The best news is that I've gone from 105 to 115 pounds. YES! I've managed to gain 10 pounds in one week. Of course, 115 pounds on a 5' 10" woman is still frightfully skinny, but I feel like I've graduated from emaciated POW to anorexic supermodel. Yes, it's all relative.

Comfort and Joy

I'm bouncing back.

I feel a little better and I do a little more every day. Today I felt good enough to prepare one of my favorite dishes, Italian beans and greens. It's not calorie dense, but it's packed with nutrients and flavor.

I wrote about beans and greens on my food blog, Open Mouth, Insert Fork.