Sunday, December 30, 2007

What If We Have a Happy, Healthy New Year?

Last Wednesday was one of those gloriously warm and sunny late-December days that makes Southern California the envy of the rest of the nation. As I drove from Altadena to Laguna Beach to visit friends, I couldn't stop thinking about the beauty of the day and the unlimited possibilities for an equally vibrant 2008.

My mind raced and, for the first time in years, I felt giddy about the new year. I've signed up for Terrie Silverman's Creative Rites classes, which begin January 10, and plan to start work on that one-woman show, "Big C, Little C." I'm ready to take on some marketing projects in the energy/water efficiency field. I've got some freelance writing projects in the works.

And after nearly a year of being the grateful recipient of abundant love, support and friendship that's been demonstrated in a thousand thoughtful ways, I'm giddy about the prospect of being able to give more than I receive this year.

The possibility of feeling good, doing good work and accomplishing good things is enough to make anyone feel giddy.

But every so often the giddiness is replaced with nervous butterflies in my stomach - the ones that flutter around and whisper, "What if you relapse?" "What if you eventually need a donor stem cell transplant?" "What if you develop myelodysplasia (the chemo-induced cancer that was a concern)?" Even writing about these "What ifs" makes me want to throw up, because, yes, they are in the realm of possibility.

I figure that two can play at the "what if" game. "What if I find an agent and a publisher for one of my book proposals?" "What if I publish an article in Dwell Magazine?" "What if I spend the entire year in remission?" "What if my blood counts continue to rise to normal levels?" These are also in the strong realm of possibility. (And instead of nervous butterflies, I get giddy thinking about these things.)

So what's it gonna' be? What if we ALL have a happy, healthy New Year?! I'll drink to that!


janet aird said...

So understandable. Once you've had something as scary as MCL, it must be awfully easy to find yourself imagining those 'what ifs'. But the other side is: What if you DON'T relapse? What if you DON'T develop the other cancer? Seems like you're on track for those ones.

Wishing you a very happy and healthy new year - and many more to come.

Lilli said...

I love that two can play the what if game. It's harder to play the positive side, but I think it pays off if you can. I'm rooting for: what if you have a wonderful year? What if we all do?

So glad you're starting Creative Rites. I can't wait to hear your stories aloud.

Happy New Year! Be sure to celebrate. You have weathered a difficult year with grace, gratitude and an amazing attitude. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. We are the richer for it.

Love, Lilli

SAMO Calling said...

Hey Missy-

WHAT IF we only have one site to check in on and it's the "Open Mouth..." site?

WHAT IF you're too busy living life to ever post again?

WHAT IF my mother had a moustache? - Would she be my father?

Happy New Year Susan!

Barbara Roth said...

I am personally believing that the positive what ifs will come to fruition. Great news about your blood cell manufacturering. What are your plans for San Fran?

frankie said...

You're right on Susan. My "what ifs" are always of the negative side, I think I'm going to speak up a few "What if I could afford health insurance this year!" on a daily basis!
A very HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and your loved ones. I'm glad you signed up with Terrie Silverman. Can't wait to come to one of your readings.

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Christine said...

I love this post! As well as the Calender girl blog entry.

Happy 2011 Susan!
Chris B.