Giving Up Selfishness

Many of you know that our 17-year-old daughter, Cindy, decided a few months ago to convert to Catholicism. The whys, hows and wheres are the topic for another post on a different blog. But suffice it to say that George and I are pleased that she's found a religion that begins with a "C" so that we can tell people we're the "ABC family" with an agnostic, a Baptist/Buddhist and a Catholic under the same roof. (Don't you just love diversity?)

At her confirmation class last week, she learned about Lent and the sacrifice of "giving up something" for 40 days. Over the years, my Catholic friends have given up concrete items like pizza, chocolate or Jimmy Choo shoes. I was a little confused when Cindy told us that she was giving up selfishness.

First of all, selfishness is an abstract concept. Second of all, isn't asking a teenage girl to give up selfishness like asking a tiger to give up its stripes or Britney to give up her hair? Er, scratch that last one. Let's say it's like asking Jacko to stop being weird for a few weeks.

After all, a 17-year-old girl is, by nature, a self-loving, self-centered, self-absorbed narcissist. We were convinced that ours, in particular, was a clinical narcissist.

But a miraculous thing happened on the way to the oncologist. Cindy is gradually losing ground from her position at the front and center of the universe. When I offer a ride, she often chirps, "No thanks, mom. I can take the bus." She's pitching in more around the house and following my new mantra (or "diatribe" as my family calls it), "This is a community affair, not a one-woman show!" She's choosing to spend more time with family. She's more aware of the effects her actions have on others. I don't know if it's the cancer or the Catholicism or a little of both, but I like this new, improved Cindy!

We're hoping that she becomes so accustomed to living without selfishness that it doesn't even seem like a "sacrifice" to her. And we hope the new selfless lifestyle will outlive both the Lenten season AND my recovery from cancer. And, while we're at it, I hope that all of the lessons we're learning as a family stick around for the rest of our lives.